On Silence

Sunday | OT | 8th | C
 
​Vancouver March 3, 2019
 
When I was discerning my religious vocation in France some years ago I spent some time in a monastic setting – in fact three years. We had strict rules about silence: we were not allowed to talk except at recreation for 20 minutes and that was only twice a week. And on Sunday evenings when we had dinner together. We were allowed to talk to fellow Brothers on Sundays or exceptionally during the week if we had permission from our Superior.
 
And so, I discovered the value and wisdom of silence. Silence is probably the most meaningful part of my monastic experience. Sometimes I would walk with a Brother from the community, a friend. We prayed the Rosary. We walked in the fields. And spoke little. When you are close to someone, you don’t have to talk all the time.
 
You probably noticed that the Reading from the Book of Sirach is about how we use language.  Very often we think that words are harmless. It’s just gossip. Or, I’m just venting. Or I need to get my frustrations out. But at these times the words we use with family members, friends, colleagues, at school, could be rude, disrespectful even hurtful, even, if it’s talking behind their back. 

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So, think of this wonderful image that Sirach gives us, a sieve, which is like a wired mesh used to strain liquids where the rougher, impure, hard pieces are kept out. You want a pure liquid. Think of putting your thoughts through a sieve before talking: the good things, the desirable, what should be heard passes through, and the offensive words, coarse, hard, is kept out. At times people use offensive words and make regretful comments because of how they are feeling: anger especially, irritation, perhaps fatigue, feeling stressed – so, this is not the best time to talk. Maybe silence as Sirach teaches us is preferable. Unfortunately, people who do not understand silence think that you might be sulking, or giving the “silent treatment,” when silence is wise. The wisdom in silence is that you are first of all making space to listen to God, then to others, and even putting their language through a sieve, so you keep what is good, and worthy to keep, and you leave behind, you remove, everything that is hard, coarse, impure.
 
And again, a person’s speech discloses the cultivation of the mind; in other words, Sirach is telling us the way we talk, tells us what is on our mind – how we think. Of course, we can also conceal many bad things in our thoughts without expressing them. It’s when we dwell on bad thoughts that we need to confess them because this can get worse –  our imagination carries us away -- and persistent evil thoughts can poison a relationship. 
 
When we express our thoughts in language, we reveal who we are by what we say, of ourselves and others -- by language alone. This is what Sirach is speaking of by the cultivation of the mind.
When somebody swears. It sounds horrible. And when someone blasphemes, it sounds even worse because they are directly offending God and if we speak badly of another – well – afterwards we just don’t feel good about it.
 
Do we use language to belittle other people? Do we use language to elevate ourselves?
Do we use language to show, I’m the best because I’m always right and you know nothing?
 
Language can scar a child, bruise a relationship, wound a parent, or any family member for that matter. Words can be used to affirm others, acknowledge their goodness, show you appreciate them. As children are growing up, they are especially susceptible to how language is used. With children there is risk of going to two extremes: one being overly critical and a child grows to have no confidence in himself/herself. The other extreme of praising everything the child does and you have a spoiled kid, self-focussed, self-absorbed adult, who becomes a narcissistic adult.
 
How we use language requires a self-awareness. I actually discovered this in a clinical setting working in the mental health unit with patients, and part of our clinical formation was “self-awareness” just by what we say to others, and our how we to listen to others. “Self-awareness”: basic question, do I listen, or do I need to talk? Do I always need to be right, or can I acknowledge I can be wrong, and the other is right? Do I always talk about the fault of others, or can I see their strengths? And can I affirm them in their good qualities?
 
Do I speak in a way that is dismissive, condescending, patronising “I know it all” and “you know nothing,” or do I speak in a way that is receptive, attentive, acknowledging the other has something to say, to share, and valuable? Or is it all about me? Can I give space to others? Giving space to others is difficult because it means I am willing to back down, to withdraw.
Which of these points do you think are related to charity or humility, and which ones are due to pride? Thinking of what Sirach teaches us, can we simply be silent, and give space to someone else? Or if we have nothing good or kind to say, remain silent?
 
We can see the immediate connection with St. Luke’s Gospel with the reading from Sirach if we take the last verse of St. Luke: for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. In other words, what you say, reflects the goodness, the richness of your heart.
 
Similarly, if the heart is stored with evil, it will produce evil. Jesus always returns to what is in the heart, because the heart is the source of goodness and wickedness – expressed in words and actions. Jesus probes continuously our interior state because our heart shapes what comes out of our mouths and our deeds, holy or wicked. This is why Christ says, before you look at the speck of your neighbour’s eye, take the log out of your own.
 
Well, a speck is very small compared to a log, and yet, we cannot see the hugeness of our log because we are blind to our own shortcomings. While the speck we can see because it is in somebody else’s eye.
 
And the person says, “Friend, let me take out the speck in your eye” but the person fails to see the log in their own. This is why we have the Sacrament of Confession so we first examine our conscience, seek forgiveness, to be absolved of our sins so that our hearts can be cleansed from all these impurities, and then to make changes.
 
Each Confession should be a concrete resolution as to what changes we are going to make with God’s help. And yes, the cleansing, the purifying, is an ongoing process. So long as we sin, we need Sacramental purification. And we nee to make an effort to make changes. And act: I will listen more attentively; I will speak charitably of others; I will work by God’s grace to take the log out of my own eye; and I might even discover the speck in my neighbour’s eye, is my own imagination.
 
Ash Wednesday is next week. Let us approach Lent with a heart of purification.
 
Let us ask the Blessed Mother of God to help us grow in charity and humility.